Yesterday morning I was dropping off my daughter at soccer camp at SMU when one of the young coaches, a bubbly redhead whose name, I would learn, was Kelcey said, “Are you famous? I recognize you! I know that sounds strange, but are you famous?” I looked at the several other coaches standing nearby and said to no one in particular, “What’s the prank here? Who is responsible for this?” Kelcey went on and on about how she recognized me but couldn’t recall my name. I meekly offered, “If you recognize me, it might be because I work at D Magazine.” At which point her face lit up. “That’s it!” Kelcey said. “Are you Zac Crain?” No, I am not Zac Crain. Last night at 11:30, Zac was probably fast asleep, fully clothed, on his couch. I, meanwhile, was still watching Episode 9 of The Real Housewives of Dallas, which was titled “Killing Time in Austin.” This, friends, is our penultimate RHOD recap. Let us not tarry any longer with sad tales of misidentification. On to it:
We begin with the ladies at their respective domiciles, preparing to embark on a trip together to Austin, where Brandi has a vacation house on Lake Travis. Stephanie arrives at Brandi’s house to help her pack. Brandi says to a confessional camera: “We had an amazing time at Travis’ birthday. I put a lot of Jesus juice, and I think that Jesus divinely, you know, intervented. Am I saying that right? Am I saying that right? Intervened? I’m not too smart right now.” There’s not a chance that Brandi could define the word “penultimate,” much less pronounce it.